Pride month is in full swing, there are beautiful rainbows flying high all over the world. If you know Damian and I, you know we have always been supporters of the LGBTQ community, we have always believed love is love. We haven’t however, been open about about a few things and today is the day to let it out.
We got married in 2010 in a rushed ceremony before Damian left for boot camp 2 months later; we both knew I wasn’t inherently “straight” when we started dating. No one present at our wedding (besides Damian and myself) knew that I am attracted to everyone, no one knew I had had multiple relationships with every different “sex” there is. It wasn’t until a few years ago I learned the appropriate ‘title’ for myself, pan-sexual.
Damian chose to embrace my me-ness. He never made me feel bad or weird or like I shouldn’t have the feelings I was having, instead he took my hand and told me that me being me was just fine with him. He never asked for a threesome (though he could), he never tried to figure out how to make me straight. He just let me be. When we decided to get married it was with careful consideration to my non straight status. We both thought deeply on it for months before we officially decided; we had questions like “How could this possibly work? Where do we draw the very thin line of ‘cheating’? What if there is someone out there that I fall in love with, that isn’t Damian?”
At the same time that we were worried about all those things, Damian was trying to figure out if he was straight. It turns out he isn’t. He is bi-sexual, maybe even pan like me; he struggles far more than I ever did though. His upbringing threw a whole lot religious issues into the mix, though he isn’t religious himself, the fact that he was raised by his Pentecostal grandparents with a church on their property basically put the fear of….hell (clearly it isn’t God) in him. His heart is so happy and content to know he is bi, but his head keeps screaming bible thumping bullshit at him.
We have made our situation work with a few things, the first being TRUST. We laid out ground rules, and decided that same sex relationships are just that, and that we can have them freely and openly should we choose. If either of us decides to have another partner that is the opposite sex, we must first have permission from the other person. So if I met a guy that I liked today, I would have to talk it over with Damian first and vice versa. that is basically our only rule, though as situations present themselves we have had add a few stipulations. As we had more kids, we implemented a rule that basically says we can’t bring whomever home for a sexcapade, even at night when the kids are in bed. There are a few requirements that have to be met before people get to come into our space. I think that has been the most important part really, not allowing just ANYONE into our lives.
Living in VERY central Illinois, it’s a little hard to find someone who is open to our type of relationship. I’ve dated a few girls here and there, and THEY find it uncomfortable to be in a relationship with me, because I am married. I understand though, it is probably a little strange to date a married girl, whose husband knows about you, and doesn’t want to sleep with you, unless you are cool with it. From the other side, it would probably be weird to date a married dude, whose wife know about you has no interest in sleeping with you, unless of course you are cool with it.
We considered polyamory, but decided neither of us could deal with that drama in our current living situation, I mean, could you imagine? It would be a headline in the weekly paper “Local couple has Poly relationship, house burnt by mob” < that’s probably more accurate than it is a joke. Maybe once we get our ducks in a row and move away from here, that will be an option. Until then, we want you to know we are out. We are prideful and we are LOVE.